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Is it possible to forgive even the worst offender? This is a concept that is easy to discuss but difficult to put into practice. Forgiveness is something that Inez Heller Jones writes about in her book, They Call Me Blessed! An Empty Nester’s Inspirational, True Story of Prayer, Faith, and Endurance. Although Inez has passed away, her daughter Carolyn Jones discusses the impact her mother’s story has had on many marriages - a story of love, adultery, pain, grief, and ultimately, God’s gracious mercy and love. Carolyn’s mother completely put her faith in God’s Word, and only then was she able to weather the major storm in her life. Inez’s testimony is a beautiful reminder of the love and strength God gives His children when they are faithful to Him. Inez chose to forgive and the ending to this story is nothing short of miraculous!
TAKEAWAYS
The most important lesson Inez put into practice: loving the person who hurt her the most
Inez’s story is about a great God who walks with her through the valley of the shadow of death
Inez’s husband fell for a worldly idea that he needed to live his ‘best life,’ but it left him broken and hurt those who loved him the most
Inez strove to be a Proverbs 31 woman
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Phylis Mantelli was raised in a violent and abusive home with a mother who didn’t know how to show love or kindness. With so much trauma and pain in her past, Phylis felt lost for many years and dealt with her hurtful past in unhealthy ways - but God wasn’t finished with her story! Today, Phylis is an author and speaker, and she recounts her story of surviving her mother’s abusive behavior as a child and later, as an adult, breaking through the pain of that abuse and trauma to become a daughter who forgave her mom and recognized that God loved them both. She talks about the “body, mind, and spirit” connection in spiritual and mental health, and details the 16-year journey that led her to not only forgive her mother but also love her.
TAKEAWAYS
Phylis’s mother was abusive, but the seeds of trauma that led to that behavior were planted generations before
Phylis was a highly sensitive child, but her sensitivity was degraded by her mother
Phylis says she always felt God’s presence, even as a child
Phylis’s book, Unmothered: Life with a Mom Who Couldn’t Love Me, offers more details about forgiveness especially in difficult situations
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It’s easy to take the little things for granted: going on a hike, for example, or strolling beside a breathtaking stream. For many disabled persons, hiking, climbing, and even walking are luxuries that are usually far out of reach, but Kevin Schwieger is determined to make their outdoor dreams become a reality. Kevin is the founder and president of Luke5Adventures, which helps those who aren’t physically able to experience God’s outdoor creations, see it firsthand. He was inspired to create this organization after talking to a wheelchair-confined woman who couldn’t experience nature like he could. There are eleven chapters of Luke5Adventures nationwide. This ministry provides purpose, community, and a chance to see dreams literally come true.
TAKEAWAYS
Luke5Adventures uses a special wheelchair adapted for outdoor companion hiking
There is no cost to participate and there is adaptive equipment for every sport
You can donate or volunteer to help Kevin’s cause at Luke5Adventures.org
Luke 5 tells the story of how Jesus healed a paralytic who was brought to him by friends
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“The sins we struggle with the most are the ones we’re most prone to judge in others,” says Micah E. Davis, the pastor of teaching and vision at The Sanctuary, in Indianapolis, Indiana. It’s easier to refuse to forgive those who have offended us, and it’s also easier to avoid asking for forgiveness when we have offended others! There’s humility and embarrassment in asking for forgiveness, and there is mercy and charity involved in giving it out. Sometimes, we don’t feel like extending that kind of love to those who have hurt us, but we should, because Christ has forgiven us. What we first received from Christ, we can then extend to others, Micah reminds us. Jesus was betrayed by so many of his friends and followers preceding his crucifixion, and yet, He forgave them. We have lost the art of communal confession and Christian accountability, and it’s time the body of Christ returns to it.
TAKEAWAYS
There is so much beauty and healing in living a communal life with other Christians
Confessing our sins and repenting results in receiving God’s forgiveness
The Bible tells us to confess our sins to each other for full healing
Our job as Christians is to be faithful day by day and leave the outcomes to the Lord
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Anyone can become disabled at any point in time, but disability does not have to become a person’s identity. Melissa Ortiz, for example, was born with spina bifida, but she is not defined by this diagnosis. She is the founder of Capability Consulting, and she is on a mission to destigmatize everyday interactions between average Americans and their disabled friends and neighbors. She discusses the 61 million disabled Americans living in the U.S. and also highlights the growing job market for disabled workers amid a rise in remote work. Don’t be afraid to help a disabled person. Look them in the eye and say hello, Melissa encourages. Include them. Assist them. Look beyond the disability and focus on the heart and soul within.
TAKEAWAYS
Many wounded warriors are distressed when they are treated differently by friends or family following an injury
Disabled people should never be defined by their diagnosis
Many accessibility adjustments are not that expensive and can be donated
Sometimes disabilities are hidden - like head trauma or blindness
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Terri Hitt lives by two phrases “parent to prepare not repair” and “we must inhale Christ so we can exhale Him onto our children.” How do we raise our children to choose Christ over culture? It all comes down to showing them how to live like Christ, and targeting that heart connection over stringent behavioral correction. Terri is a Purpose Parenting Mentor for Christian moms and is the mother of a special needs child. It all starts with identity, she says. Who are we? Are we grounded and solid in our relationship with the Lord? If so, it will be easier for us to guide our kids towards Christ in those moments of gentle and loving correction. Let’s be set apart in Christ and guide our children as they grow to cultivate a relationship with the Lord that lasts a lifetime.
TAKEAWAYS
Don’t parent behavior, parent in a way that leads children to Christ
Prioritize time and mentor your children and study the Word of God on how to be a godly parent
It’s easier to lay a firm foundation for your children when they’re still young rather than waiting until they’re teens and set in their ways
Don’t let your emotions rule your behavior
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Sometimes the process of forgiving others can make it feel like God has lost patience with us. We may feel like He has “switched teams,” or that He has more time for others than He does for us - but this is a lie! Forgiveness is central to the Christian message, says Brad Hambrick, the pastor of counseling at The Summit Church. He talks about the definition of forgiveness: canceling a debt. Forgiveness is telling someone, “Christ died for what you did, and that’s enough for me.” That doesn’t mean you have to excuse any hurtful action against you, but it does give you the freedom to let go of the pain and give it to the Lord. Brad also shares practical steps you can take when you are caught in a cycle of repetitive hurts inflicted by someone close to you. Forgiveness is ultimately a process that takes time and effort.
TAKEAWAYS
Forgiveness can take time because the person who has been hurt is often still in pain
The way out of nagging and ignoring is genuine repentance
Acknowledging wrongdoing is a key first step in moving toward restoration
Forgiving others does not excuse their actions, but it frees you from carrying pain or anger
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Forgiveness is a tricky and often deeply painful road to navigate, but luckily, we are not alone in shouldering this seemingly heavy burden. Pastor Chris Brauns of Red Brick Church and author of Unpacking Forgiveness is well-versed in the subject of Gospel-centered forgiveness, which differs significantly from the secular and therapeutic approaches to it. He says that so many wounded people are on a “mental gerbil wheel” because old hurts and bitterness continuously haunt them, yet they don’t know how to move forward and truly embrace forgiveness. Come to Christ first, and He will give you rest. Learning to forgive others is a daily discipline that all Christians should practice. God is a God of justice, and He will fight for you in His perfect timing.
TAKEAWAYS
Don’t be defined by what happened to you, but defined by the good news of the Lord Jesus Christ and His love and grace
God is just, and He will administer justice and righteous vengeance on His own time, not ours
We tend to be impatient and short-tempered with one another when someone offends us
Christians should never be thinking about revenge or executing it
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Forgiveness is a science. Don’t believe it? Just ask Robert Enright, a professor in Forgiveness Science. Robert talks about the scientific effects of forgiveness. It has healing power, and it is mutually beneficial to everyone involved, both for those who have hurt others and especially those who have been hurt. In Robert’s book, Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope, he shares how forgiveness challenges you to stand up and see the humanity in each other and see the other person as God sees them. It’s a heroic act. Forgiveness is also a moral virtue, which means that it deals with acting well toward others. Forgiveness is the erasure of negative emotions and replacing that negativity with a positive way of thinking about the person who hurt you, without excusing what they did.
TAKEAWAYS
One of the key phases of forgiveness is the ‘uncovering’ phase, which focuses on examining the negative effects that injustice has had on us
Get forgivingly FIT! Think broadly about WHO someone is beyond a person who perpetrated injustices against you
Forgiveness is a choice
Forgiveness is heroic because it’s incredibly difficult to do, yet we want to be an example of Jesus to others who are watching
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How can we make our churches a place where disabled brothers and sisters in Christ can not only participate seamlessly, but also lead alongside other believers? As the teaching pastor at Urban Light Community Church, Andrew Draper, shares thought-provoking insights into the inclusivity and love needed in ministering alongside the disabled community in America’s churches. How often do we look at disabled people and think of them as long-suffering individuals who need God’s healing? Listening to members of the disabled community is key. Make sure your church accommodates their needs, whether it’s in adult or children’s ministries. Disability is often framed as suffering, but that is not always the case. Reach out, listen well, and make it possible for all people to serve in their areas of expertise.
TAKEAWAYS
Make sure your church has equal volunteer opportunities and leadership opportunities for disabled Christians
Everyone’s needs are different - don’t be afraid to ask
If someone is merely viewed as a project or someone to be pitied, it contributes to that feeling of ‘otherness”’
Never assume what someone needs - ask specifically
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Forgiveness isn’t between you and another person - it’s about wisdom versus folly. Brad Hambrick shares thoughtful insight into the freeing power of forgiveness. Brad is the pastor of counseling at The Summit Church, and he explains the difference between true forgiveness and bitterness. He also talks about the occasional need to draw healthy boundaries with those who continue to perpetrate hurt upon our lives. All of us are equally sinful, Brad reminds us, but not all of our sin is equally destructive. Scripture calls us into community with other believers, and sometimes we need their help to step into a place where we can truly forgive. Importantly, Brad points out that true forgiveness promises never to use someone’s transgressions against them in the future.
TAKEAWAYS
When someone tells you they’re sorry, believe them
Sometimes we use ‘oopsie-grade’ responses to ‘sin-grade’ offenses
Forgiveness does not mean that we don’t hurt anymore, but it does invite others to join us in a healthier lifestyle
Forgiveness accepts the responsibility of bringing a real hurt to someone’s attention
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In a culture where taking responsibility for your actions is often seen as a weakness, learning to forgive others can seem counterintuitive. Micah E. Davis is the pastor of teaching and vision at The Sanctuary, and he knows a great deal about forgiveness personally. After surviving a turbulent period in his childhood where he was failed by multiple father figures, he learned the meaning of true forgiveness - forgiveness that comes from a Christ-centered heart. Why isn’t forgiveness easy? Why doesn’t it feel natural? Because it’s costly, Micah says. It costs the offender and the offended something, to both give and receive it. Yet, most of us fail to realize that in withholding forgiveness, we miss out on receiving the relief that we need so badly from the Lord.
TAKEAWAYS
Not forgiving others is a voluntary form of suffering and refusing to forgive, over time, does damage to our souls
We can choose to hold onto an offense, or we can choose to forgive
There are four components to forgiveness: forgiving others, asking for forgiveness, forgiving ourselves, forgiving a false idea of who God is
We were created by a God who is in pursuit of His creation
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