#meditation
Is it possible to forgive even the worst offender? This is a concept that is easy to discuss but difficult to put into practice. Forgiveness is something that Inez Heller Jones writes about in her book, They Call Me Blessed! An Empty Nester’s Inspirational, True Story of Prayer, Faith, and Endurance. Although Inez has passed away, her daughter Carolyn Jones discusses the impact her mother’s story has had on many marriages - a story of love, adultery, pain, grief, and ultimately, God’s gracious mercy and love. Carolyn’s mother completely put her faith in God’s Word, and only then was she able to weather the major storm in her life. Inez’s testimony is a beautiful reminder of the love and strength God gives His children when they are faithful to Him. Inez chose to forgive and the ending to this story is nothing short of miraculous!
TAKEAWAYS
The most important lesson Inez put into practice: loving the person who hurt her the most
Inez’s story is about a great God who walks with her through the valley of the shadow of death
Inez’s husband fell for a worldly idea that he needed to live his ‘best life,’ but it left him broken and hurt those who loved him the most
Inez strove to be a Proverbs 31 woman
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What is the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown? Children who have experienced neglect or trauma in their lives often tell us how they are feeling by the way they react to the stimuli around them - and the fallout can be intense. Jayne Schooler is an author who has penned eight books about child welfare. She discusses the meaning behind many behaviors in children and how any of the five senses can trigger an episode in kids and adults who have experienced traumatic events in their lives. Jayne also breaks down the damage that trauma can do to a child’s development. Traumatized children are highly focused on survival. Biologically, this can have a major long-term impact because, unless this trauma is resolved, it stays with them, she says. Importantly, Jayne touches on the God-given need for healthy attachment and how unhealthy attachment can lead to abuse.
TAKEAWAYS
Children who do not have a healthy attachment to a parental figure will seek that attachment out wherever they can find it
Unhealthy attachment can lead to abuse or exploitation of children, which leads to trauma
Trauma is the perception that your life is at risk, and toxic trauma chemicals can circulate through a child’s body even in utero
80 percent of kids who come from difficult homes have problems self-regulating their emotions
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Sometimes the process of forgiving others can make it feel like God has lost patience with us. We may feel like He has “switched teams,” or that He has more time for others than He does for us - but this is a lie! Forgiveness is central to the Christian message, says Brad Hambrick, the pastor of counseling at The Summit Church. He talks about the definition of forgiveness: canceling a debt. Forgiveness is telling someone, “Christ died for what you did, and that’s enough for me.” That doesn’t mean you have to excuse any hurtful action against you, but it does give you the freedom to let go of the pain and give it to the Lord. Brad also shares practical steps you can take when you are caught in a cycle of repetitive hurts inflicted by someone close to you. Forgiveness is ultimately a process that takes time and effort.
TAKEAWAYS
Forgiveness can take time because the person who has been hurt is often still in pain
The way out of nagging and ignoring is genuine repentance
Acknowledging wrongdoing is a key first step in moving toward restoration
Forgiving others does not excuse their actions, but it frees you from carrying pain or anger
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Jenny Leavitt’s youngest son, Jacob, was killed by a drunk driver ten years ago. This overwhelming, traumatic grief drove her to question everything she ever knew about God and the promises found in scripture. Today, Jenny is a mental health coach with Resilient Hope Ministries and the author of God Prints: A True Story - Finding Evidence of God in the Shattered Pieces of Life. Jenny discusses the real-life journey of surviving unthinkable loss and navigating the grief that comes with it. Even with a solid foundation in Christ, she says, deep loss and trauma can shake people’s faith. Ask God if you have questions and don’t be afraid to talk to Him. Job questioned the Lord, and the Lord answered him in his despair. God is a redeemer, and He can use even the darkest moments of our lives to reach others.
TAKEAWAYS
Sometimes, you just need to sit with someone in their grief and be there for them
Don’t isolate yourself when you are going through grief - isolation makes you vulnerable to the Devil’s attacks
You are not alone - many other people have experienced trauma; find trusted friends and reach out
Grief is not something that simply “goes away;” it is a long process of self-work and emotional challenges
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Forgiveness is a science. Don’t believe it? Just ask Robert Enright, a professor in Forgiveness Science. Robert talks about the scientific effects of forgiveness. It has healing power, and it is mutually beneficial to everyone involved, both for those who have hurt others and especially those who have been hurt. In Robert’s book, Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope, he shares how forgiveness challenges you to stand up and see the humanity in each other and see the other person as God sees them. It’s a heroic act. Forgiveness is also a moral virtue, which means that it deals with acting well toward others. Forgiveness is the erasure of negative emotions and replacing that negativity with a positive way of thinking about the person who hurt you, without excusing what they did.
TAKEAWAYS
One of the key phases of forgiveness is the ‘uncovering’ phase, which focuses on examining the negative effects that injustice has had on us
Get forgivingly FIT! Think broadly about WHO someone is beyond a person who perpetrated injustices against you
Forgiveness is a choice
Forgiveness is heroic because it’s incredibly difficult to do, yet we want to be an example of Jesus to others who are watching
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PTSD can often surface decades after a traumatic event, which begs the question: why? Co-Founder and Executive Director of Sentinel Institute, Curtis Solomon, says it’s because people tend to bury trauma, and that trauma often rears its head in the silence of retirement or a break from work. Curtis is the executive director of the Biblical Counseling Coalition and a veteran of the U.S. Air Force. He’s seen plenty of PTSD in America’s warriors, and he has studied this particular disorder from a Biblical perspective for years. What are some examples of extreme trauma? Are we being exposed to trauma at higher rates than ever before because of our exposure to social media? Curtis defines the disorienting impact that trauma can have, and how it can radically upend every belief anyone has had previously.
TAKEAWAYS
Jesus went through the worst trauma any human can ever experience
No two people experience trauma the same way even if facing similar situations
Point people to Jesus and take your cares to Him
Because Jesus was human and He survived extreme trauma, He does understand what you’re going through
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Forgiveness isn’t between you and another person - it’s about wisdom versus folly. Brad Hambrick shares thoughtful insight into the freeing power of forgiveness. Brad is the pastor of counseling at The Summit Church, and he explains the difference between true forgiveness and bitterness. He also talks about the occasional need to draw healthy boundaries with those who continue to perpetrate hurt upon our lives. All of us are equally sinful, Brad reminds us, but not all of our sin is equally destructive. Scripture calls us into community with other believers, and sometimes we need their help to step into a place where we can truly forgive. Importantly, Brad points out that true forgiveness promises never to use someone’s transgressions against them in the future.
TAKEAWAYS
When someone tells you they’re sorry, believe them
Sometimes we use ‘oopsie-grade’ responses to ‘sin-grade’ offenses
Forgiveness does not mean that we don’t hurt anymore, but it does invite others to join us in a healthier lifestyle
Forgiveness accepts the responsibility of bringing a real hurt to someone’s attention
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Trauma. It affects most of us, and yet, so few people have the tools to deal with trauma, tragedy, and the lasting effects of this kind of lifelong pain. Dr. Tim Murphy is a psychologist, a former member of Congress, and a U.S. Navy veteran. He is the author of The Christ Cure: 10 Biblical Ways to Heal From Trauma, Tragedy, and PTSD. He discusses the Apostle Paul and the very real traumas he experienced during his ministry on Earth. Tim also defines trauma, what causes it, and how it affects the brain. What does Jesus say about trauma and anxiety? “The best meditation is prayer,” Tim says. He also gives helpful advice on how to lean into true mental and emotional healing by embracing the teachings of Jesus. Jesus wants us to be fully restored and renewed and the teachings of Paul are invaluable for that healing to take place.
TAKEAWAYS
Exercising is a great antidote to anxiety and stress and people who have PTSD or severe trauma don’t often trust their own emotions
Sometimes, “your reaction to your reaction” can cause stress and trauma
Trauma affects us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and healing requires that we focus on the same four areas
Trauma is something that is a true threat to your life, and it can look a little different for everyone
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